The House Of Odd

Fall is here and most amusement parks are closing for the winter so what better time to get a petty gripe off my chest. Why is it that when visiting an amusement park just about every time you stand in line for an attraction somebody ends up ‘cutting the cheese’.

As if standing in a tightly packed sea of unwashed humanity for up to 90 minutes at a time wasn’t bad enough, some anonymous cretin has to share the remains of their undigested lunch with the crowd.

The other day at Six Flag’s mediocre attempt at a ‘Fright Fest’, the Movie Kids and I were mid way though a half-hour queue when it suddenly smelled horrible. It was as if someone had brazenly dropped a duke right next to us. No duke, it was just a thoughtless individual who silently sprayed the crowd with their gaseous toxins. You could tell it was a bad one, a brief look around at the neighboring rows revealed several people holding their noses. A few made heroic attempts to shield their face from the stench with their shirt collars or sleeves.

Throughout the rest of the day on average every third ride someone would let one rip, silent of course but still alarmingly potent. Why does it smell so bad? These lines are almost always outdoors. Even with a breeze it chooses to stick around long enough to saturate the surrounding nasal cavities of the innocent.

Please for the love of all that is holy; take care of business before entering a line full of your fellow man. If you are particularly gassy that day, stay home. Only your closest friends and family should ever be that familiar with the stench of your colon vents.