The House Of Odd

It’s a given that loud, undisciplined kids are one of the most annoying passenger types. Unfortunately for those brave enough to endure flying the friendly skies there are many more annoying passengers out there. Here is a short list to keep a weather eye out for and avoid if possible.

1. The Tray Molester
For the most part harmless, until they sit directly behind you the Tray Molester just can’t stop touching their tray. Nothing wrong with that except its attached to the chair and you feel a thump every time it’s position is changed. Fascinated by the workings of the tray, the Tray Molester continuously opens and closes the tray. Beverage service coming? Slam, open the tray. All done. Slam, close the tray. Oh, tasty peanuts. Slam, open the tray. Flight attendant takes away the trash. Slam, close tray. Bored and wants to read. Slam, open tray. Repeat until decent from cruising altitude.

Tray molesters also have a habit of overstuffing their magazine pouch and can’t seem to decide which one to read.

2. The Headrest Mangler
Perhaps suffering from an inner ear infection, the Headrest Mangler requires the use of everyone else’s headrest to move about the cabin. Some skip every other row; others randomly select a headrest to lean on. Others appear to be an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a need to touch every single row, pushing down the seat and then letting it flip up as they pass.

Sometimes it’s possible to thwart the Mangler by sitting up straight and tilting your head back covering as much of the headrest as possible. This can backfire if they are determined, which may result in getting your hair pulled in addition to the unsettling jar.

The Headrest Mangler is reason enough to avoid the aisle seat and go for the safer out of reach window.

3. The Wanderer
The Wander cannot sit still for even the shortest of flights. As soon as the captain turns off the seatbelt light, up they pop and begin pacing the narrow isle. Perhaps a sufferer of mild bedsores or hemorrhoids, sometimes they’ll make several trips back and forth banging into the stray foot or elbow. The wanderer can be especially annoying when they are also a Headrest Mangler.

4. The Fake Sleeper
The Fake Sleeper is a foul character, their modus operandi is to quickly claim a window seat, sprawl out all their junk and immediately close their eyes. They pretend to be asleep so those unfortunate to come after them will not be able to ask if the seat next to them is taken.

This technique is also often employed on subway trains and buses. The Fake Sleeper is usually successful in hogging an entire row unless the flight is completely full.

5. Drink Cart Tailgater
Perhaps the most annoying to the flight attendant, the Drink Cart Tailgater lacks the ability to judge the appropriate time to enter the isle. Rather than taking a few seconds to notice the flight attendant slowly lumbering along pushing the isle blocking cart, they prefer to wait until they’ve just past to get up use the restroom. For the next 5 to 10 minutes they shadow the unsuspecting stewardess giving the back of their head the stink eye.

6. Portable DVD Kid
Thanks to cheap labor from China, the portable DVD player has reached a price point that even the thriftiest shopper can afford. This has led to an explosion of a new annoying passenger type, The Portable DVD Kid. Armed with a sleeve of family friendly entertainment, they almost always discard the accompanying headphones opting to share the latest PIXAR movie with everyone in the 3 adjacent rows.

7. Laptop Isle Guy
Every flight has at least one; it’s not uncommon to have 3 or more. The lack of space in most airline steerage class has forced the Laptop Isle Guy into existence. Their annoying trait is hanging their laptop computer into the isle effectively blocking traffic. If attentive and courteous, they are harmless. But when deep into thought or Solitaire they become an annoyance to all but the thinnest of waifs.

Laptop Isle Guy’s arch nemesis is the Wanderer. This can provide some entertainment watching Lap Top Isle Guy continuously be interrupted by the Wanderer.

8. Armrest Hog
The Armrest Hog is usually a procrastinator. This ensures that they will always get stuck in the middle seat. They never seem to realize that there armrest is merely a divider. It’s far too narrow for two people to share. This is not a concern for the Armrest Hog for there is no boundary of personal space they will not cross.

Instead of sitting in the correct middle position, sitting with arms crossed uncomfortably, they instead choose to sprawl out on one or both of the armrests forcing their neighbors to feel their hair filled forearms.

The Armrest Hog seems to also have a tendency to pre warm your seat belt under their copious rump.